


Opposite Day

by ExploringAce



Category: The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: Attempt at Humor, Crack, Gen, Opposite Day, Swearing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-07
Updated: 2020-10-07
Packaged: 2021-03-07 21:21:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,069
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26874355
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ExploringAce/pseuds/ExploringAce
Summary: It's Opposite Day, and the Hargreeves' powers have all been reversed. Tragedy ensues.
Comments: 15
Kudos: 71





	Opposite Day

It was a normal day at the Hargreeves Mansion with all the siblings gathered (even Ben, not that anyone else knew that) when Five ran in, panting. 

“Guuuuuuuyyyyyyyyyyyyys,” he said, then stopped to catch his breath. The lazy ass wasn’t used to running so much, what with him teleporting everywhere and all that.

“Mamfd?” Luther said. He might have meant, “What?” but it was hard to tell with face lying flat on the table. He’d been extremely tired all day and was about to take a breakfast nap when he’d been so rudely interrupted.

“Is it another apocalypse?” Diego asked. He tried pouring himself some orange juice, then swore when he somehow got some in his eyes.

“Worse,” Five said. “It’s Opposite Day.”

Luther lifted his head at that, just enough to be understood by the rest. “Opposite Day? What the hell is that supposed to mean?”

“It’s the day where everything’s opposite,” Five said, rolling his eyes, feeling like he was surrounded by morons as usual.

“Are you sure you’re not actually 13?” Klaus’ voice said.

The others looked around the room, trying to locate him, but he was nowhere to be seen.

“Klaus?” Diego said, already worried about what his brother was doing now.

“Yeah? What’s with you all?” Klaus said.

“Oh no,” Five said, looking around frantically. “Klaus is invisible. It’s starting.”

“What? No I’m not.” Still, he tried to catch the eyes of his siblings, but no one could properly locate him. “Am I?”

“The opposite of seeing the dead…” Five mumbled to himself. “Could it be that you can’t be seen by the living?”

“Come on, that sounds bullshit,” Diego said. He poured some syrup on his pancakes, only it all ended up on his clothes.

“Yeah, Opposite Day isn’t real,” Allison said.

“You know what? I’m starting to believe it,” Diego said, quickly followed by nods from everyone else except for Allison.

“Oh,  _ come on! _ ” she said, crossing her arms.

“We can’t see Klaus, Luther is…” Five trailed off when he noticed Luther’s snoring. “He’s lost all his stamina. Vanya, did you get the power to save the world? Could you do anything about global warming?”

Vanya opened her mouth to reply but remained silent. The other siblings waited patiently, but though it looked like she was trying to form words, nothing came out.

“Wait, you have the power of… silence?” Klaus said, presumably with a smile.

Getting more frustrated, Vanya started gesturing as well as moving her mouth. She accidentally knocked a glass off the table, and when it fell to the ground and broke, it didn't give off any sound either.

“Oh, poor Vanya,” Allison said, feeling for her sister. Not only could she relate on a personal level, but she knew that Vanya had been ignored by them all for so many years, and now, when they finally were willing to listen to her, she couldn’t even speak.

“Bitch, that’s what you get,” Diego said. He then screamed as some of the glass shards flew towards him.

“Yeah, fuck you, Vanya,” Five said. He paused. “Allison, could you please stop talking?”

Allison looked ashamed, especially when she received a silent glare from Vanya.

“Does it affect Ben, too?” Diego asked Klaus, looking to where he thought he might be.

Klaus shrugged, before remembering how futile that was. “I don’t know, I can’t see any ghosts right now. It’s a relief, honestly.”

(Ben was, in fact, affected. The moment he saw that Opposite Day was real, he pulled at his powers, trying to see if they would actually be of help rather than destroy. Unfortunately for him, rather than opening up a portal for monsters of another dimension, he was instead sent to their dimension. Even if H. P. Lovecraft, Alfred Hitchcock, and Stephen King had put their heads together, they could never have come close to imagining the horrors that Ben saw there. What was also unfortunate was that there was no Opposite Day in the Horror Dimension, and so he had no means of ever getting back.)

“What about you, Fivey?” Klaus said.

“Oh no, I’m not taking any chances,” he said. “Since my normal power is to travel through time and space, it’s possible that I’d now instead get  _ stuck _ in either time or space.”

“So, you’re normal?” Diego asked. Beside him, Vanya was throwing bread crumbs up in the air in different directions. Each of them looped around, hitting him soundlessly on the head. He tried his best to ignore them.

“Maybe,” Five said. “Or maybe, because of Earth’s movement around itself and the sun, and the solar system’s movement around the galaxy, and our galaxy’s movement around the universe… me getting stuck in space would mean certain death out in actual space. Or I’d get stuck in time, unable to move forward, forever stuck in a single moment on Opposite Day without a way to move forwards. I’m not taking any chances.”

“But what if it means  _ you’re _ the one being affected by time, so you can make yourself old again?” Diego said. Beside him, Vanya had stopped her assault in favor of sending Five worried looks and shaking her head.

“No way,” he said.

“Come on, you’ve got to at least give it a try,” Klaus said.

“Do you want him to die? He shouldn’t risk that,” Allison said, before putting her hands over her mouth, eyes wide.

Five shrugged. “Nothing ventured, nothing gained.” He then disappeared, never to be seen again.

“Good job,” Diego said to Allison. Having had enough of his idiot family, he tried to get up, only to fall flat on his ass. “FUck.”

Allison laughed, then noticed that her purse was floating still in the air, money seemingly levitating out of it.

“Klaus!” she yelled.  


“What? I’m not doing anything,” he said, stealing more money. “I’m standing still, minding my own business. You have no proof.”

“Stop taking my stuff!” she yelled.

She didn’t have to see him to know he was smiling from ear to ear. There was the sound of running towards their bedrooms, and Allison quickly followed, hoping she could save at least some of her skirts.

Left at the table was Luther, sleeping, Vanya, crying quietly at losing her brother yet again, and Diego, resigned to lying on the floor for the rest of the day and somehow having all of Vanya’s tears land on him.

**Author's Note:**

> For clarification, here's a list of the siblings' reversed powers:
> 
> Luther - super weak  
> Diego - attracts moving objects???? tbh, it was pretty hard to think of the opposite of 'trajectory manipulation,' so he's just a magnet for all trajectories  
> Allison - everyone does the opposite of what she says  
> Klaus - can't be seen by living people  
> Five - we may never know, but it probably wasn't good  
> Ben - can travel to the Horror's dimension  
> Vanya - the Sound of Silence


End file.
